1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
