I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
