How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
