my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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