I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
