he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
