Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
They have beer where we have blood.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
