Jerry, you need to find god
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
