Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
