i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
