Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
