The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
