I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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