is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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