we have officially lost it.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
