she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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