ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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