i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
