my phone needs a breathalizer
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
