I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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