Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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