This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
