The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
