I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
