I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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