Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
