I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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