i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
