there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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