Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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