Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
