okay pat passed out under dana's car
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
