id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
