just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
