Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
