i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
