they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
