I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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