I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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