Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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