So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
