I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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