i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My balls are so social today.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
