you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I look better un-naked...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
