11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
it's like heaven, but drunker
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
