and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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