I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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