Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
