doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
