Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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