Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
